Open University Relays 2005

It is a commonly repeated maxim that ‘women weaken legs’
but the events of Tuesday the 2nd of March indicated that I might
now actually have the legs of a woman. The Open University Relays
are traditionally held on the coldest, wettest and most unpleasant day
of the year and today was no exception. Braving the mud, cold and
occasional sleet, fifty two intrepid teams of four gathered in front of the
OU sports pavilion. My team, ably captained by Patrina and led-off by
James looked like a cert to complete the 4.4mile relay in a sub thirty minute
time. Glory was ours for the taking.

James put in a stirling performance. Setting his jaw in an attitude of manly competition he lined-up with the first-leg lunatics in deceptively casual attire. Letting the competitors who were mad enough to be wearing vests go ahead he settled into a strong even pace. His hat made him look like a smurf – but an athletic smurf. Seven minutes and fifteen seconds later he was back to hand over to our unknown quantity. Paul is ‘long-of-leg’ but had missed our training run. Was he the Khalid Khannouchi of the team or the Bernie Winters – we just didn’t know. Perhaps he was a Bernie Khannouchi but he certainly recorded a very respectable eight minutes one second before Patrina set off on ‘the captain’s leg’. By this time the field had strung-out and Patrina did a fine job of keeping focused and keeping us on pace. Just over nine minutes later she was haring through the finish (looking remarkably composed) to set me off on the anchor leg.

I felt the weight of expectation on my shoulders. I’d run 6:32 in 2004 and I hoped to get close to that again. I shot out of the start gate like a bat-out-of-hell (I’ll be gone when the morning comes you know) and almost immediately reeled in the chap in front of me. Glory was surely just a few minutes away. The next chap in front was losing ground and I could almost hear the Chariots of Fire theme. Then it all went wrong. There was no power in the hams; no spring in the Achilles; no lightness of foot. I was a one gear Charlie and that gear was ‘slow-forward’. Not until I could see the tape did I find the reserves. Too late to mine them, I made up what time I could to finish in seven minutes twenty six seconds.

Not for us the glory of silverware or the thirty minute mark. And why? Because glory is not given but earned. Over the winter I’ve spent too much time on wine, women and pies and too little ‘in the zone’. My ball of light grew flabby and humiliation was the price of my sloth. (How much is a sloth by the way?)

Our combined team time was 31:46 and that of our ‘A’team (Helen, Sue, Mark and Sharon) 39:39.

Gary Nelmes