Oxford Town & Gown 10k

The Town and Gown 10km fun run is an annual event run around the leafy lanes and parks of Oxford. The course changes slightly every year but essentially it is based in North Oxford around the University Parks. I had been meaning to enter for a couple of years but hadn't got round to it. This year I had the extra incentive of having goaded Gareth into doing it. Indeed, it transpired that a lot of my friends had also entered.

The morning began with a baking bonanza. Scones and speciality preserves have long been regarded as the breakfast of champions and Chris and I ate like world-beaters before heading off through the parks to the start. Anyone familiar with The Archers will know what I mean when I say that the commentator was more Linda Snell than John Motson. She was low on clichés and 'the boys gave 110%' and high on 'marvellous', 'super' and shrill piping. Still, it was in keeping with the middle class, white, Home Counties nature of her audience. The event, despite having over 2000 runners, had a distinct feeling of a Sidcup church fete about it.

The start was very well organised with 'estimated finish time' markers indicating where you might want to stand. Sadly nobody took a blind bit of notice. There were lycra racing snakes at the back and pigs in trainers at the front. It is a wonder that nobody got trampled to death. Apparently, one such porcine individual reminded one of the aforesaid reptiles that it was "a FUN run" as he attempted to pass. With a Woosteresque wit as sharp as a rapier he retorted "get out of the way you C*NT". Once the 'gun' had sounded (about 10:30) and the leading group of mega fauna and had been chased down by the pursuing snakes, things became much more civilised.

Chris and I (wily old stagers that we are) had started in the 40-45minute pen. Too far forward for all but the most wilfully stupid heifers and too far back for the hardcore we stomped on at a good springy pace. We ran together for the first third and in the same vicinity for most of the race.

It became clear that the course was going to be flat (which aids speed) and convoluted (which doesn't). The first section (past Keble, down towards Linacre, and around the parks) involved a fair few narrowing sections and bends. The second section, which took in St. Giles, Broad Street and a further (longer) circuit of the parks proved a little faster. Indeed several of my friends ran faster second 5km sections.

Despite my recent birthday I was feeling pretty fit and I dragged myself past a few friends from Headington Road Runners. However, pride cometh before a fall and there were at least 2 ladies several years my senior who I simply could not catch. The effort of trying left me VERY relieved to see the 500m-marker approach. By sheer good luck I had paced myself quite well and gasped over the line in approx. 42:45 (official time 43:03). That left me 203rd (from 2100) behind the winner who finished in a disgracefully fast 31:48.

Everyone (Chris, Duncan, Jackie, Tim, Gareth, Caroline, Judy, Steve, Tim and the Sarah) recorded pretty creditable times. The other Sarah (dressed as a Mexican carrying a bucket) collected loads of money for charity and was therefore exempt from the need for speed.

Special congratulations go to Gareth who got in well under the hour having overcome an unequalled capacity for beer, given-up smoking and undergone an emergency sex-change operation that allowed him to run on a borrowed GIRLS number.

I think Mr Derbyshire and Mr Green owe at least £10 each to charity. They said it could not be done!